"Apple Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree"

http://motherhood-dontbelievethehype.blogspot.com/2011/01/apple-doesnt-fall-far-from-tree-even.html

In creating this family blog, I have discovered that there is so much talent and shared compassion in our family! A "modern family" sharing 'the faith of our fathers'. Makes me feel so grateful and blessed to be a part of this clan!

We have shared a bit about Marty's book that is available on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Whisperer-Freedom-Step-Slavery/dp/098411730X

His daughter, Michelle Murphy Zive is the author, activator and connector of One Connect https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-zive/

Her daughter, Molly Zive (Marty's granddaughter) has followed in the path of health, healing and empowerment https://www.linkedin.com/in/mollyzive

https://www.therapywithmolly.com/about

Molly also sent an email to Dan and me that she would be happy to "jump in" on the family blog! YAY!

I saw on instagram that Molly is offering a class this Saturday, May 2 on instagram:

More from this family limb: 

Marty's 80th birthday is on May 29. He posted this on his Facebook account:

For my birthday this year, I'm asking for donations to Feeding America. I've chosen this nonprofit because their mission means a lot to me, and I hope you'll consider contributing as a way to celebrate with me. Every little bit will help me reach my goal. I've included information about Feeding America below. 

As the largest network of food banks, pantries, and meal programs in the country, Feeding America is the leading organization in the fight against hunger in the United States. 200 food banks strong, we serve over 40 million people in virtually every community in America. Since our beginnings 40 years ago, Feeding America has made innovative strides in combating food waste and providing fresh food to hungry people across the country. We believe that everyone has a role in ending hunger in America. Will you join us? Learn more at FeedingAmerica.org.
Founded in 1979 (formerly named America's Second Harvest)
Charity Navigator: Four Star Charity
Better Business Bureau: Accredited Charity

Marty's donation link {click here}

Marty's birthday goal was $200... it has already jumped to $140 (met)... {up $100 from when I saw this post this morning!} I know that once family jumps in... he will surpass that goal... WAY TO GO BIG BRO!

We have a family birthday tomorrow as we turn the page to May... you will just have to come back to find out who it is! :)

Would love to feature shared stories or any more family news!

LYM,
Reenie

Inspired

Yosemite Trip April 2017

I just had the most amazing restorative breathing experience on Zoom led by my friend Maria Simeone! Maria is another blessing to everyone that she encounters; another earthly spiritual guide! She works with people at both ends of life's spectrum (and everyone in between): seniors with dementia and children with autism, sharing her gifts of music and sound therapy to help calm the central nervous system. She has a website called musicmovesthebrain.

MusicMovestheBrain is an outgrowth of the personal experiences of Maria Simeone in nurturing the development and growth of her two children, adopted from Eastern Europe and Eurasia and their subsequent learning challenges.

In this time of social distancing, Maria has been working on sharing her gifts virtually. She has posted "sound bathing"  and music/breathing videos on her Facebook, that can be accessed anytime. If you want to see her videos, you can send her a friend request, and she will accept you.

In today's restorative breathing zoom experience.. she used the word inspired; the root of which is "spiritus" (spirit)... to breathe or blow energy into; inflame. {As Marty and Michelle Zive have also taught us}. As Maria ended her session today, she closed with a guided meditation of breathing (as she hummed to her soft drumbeat) and I swear I was transported to Yosemite and found myself gazing up at the majesty of the waterfalls spilling over the cliffs! Oh my gosh, I felt invigorated, energized and empowered! She said that once we are inspired there is nothing that can stop us! Wow!

Michelle Murphy Zive is sharing her responses today:

 





I miss: Physical touch with my family.  This is somewhat ironic since I’m not the huggiest/physically affectionate person I know.
However, this reminds me of Reenie singing Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi in Granny’s living room in PB.

Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you've got
Til it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Oh, but I am so grateful.  This quarantine has reminded me that I live a blessed life; one that I often take advantage of because I think I have all the time in the world and the freedom to navigate it. Here are some of the simple things I am sooooooooooooooooo grateful for:

After 25 years, I cleaned off  the company’s stickers on my office windows.  I’m thankful for clean windows…after decades.

Before this quarantine, Jinx would follow me around when I got home.  I’d be so irritated.  “Just give me a minute,” I’d think, sometimes say.  Now I’m grateful for her presence and unconditional love…and she makes me smile/laugh because she is our walking pot roast.

Hope to have some more sharing tomorrow!

LYM,

Reenie

The Way We Were

Shawn 1979

Birthday Shout-Out: April 28 🎂
Our sweet cousin: Shawn Kisker Patterson... {forever young in our minds and hearts!}

We have been uploading family photos onto our computer. {Now that is a job, we've put off for ages!} Throughout the sweet memories of our lives... one thing is for sure...we are blessed to have such a wonderful family!  At every step of the way...milestones, celebrations, vacations, there was always extended family members sharing it all with us!  As Michelle Zive's favorite saying goes... we are all just walking each other home!

Here are Michelle Murphy's  contributions to yesterday's question:
She said that these photos are her response to both questions: gratitude and loss

Mom came up for a visit and like the sport she is, she got all dressed up for Mardi Gras and went to a big luncheon with me! What a trooper! I miss her every day of my life!

The second picture is my Dan, who called me his best friend when he was little, who gave me my name, GramBam! His life was the beach like many of us. I miss him every day of my life! {We were on that trip to Hawaii with them... and boy, does this bring back memories! #also missing Dan!}

Here are Cindy's responses:

I miss family

I'm grateful for Willy, a roof over my head, self employment, nature and health.

Cindy lives in Sultan Washington. She loves to hike with Willy, and is an amazing photographer! She often posts gorgeous nature shots on her Facebook page...displaying the beauty of the four seasons of the countryside where she lives. She is the owner and founder of her own business: Highway 2 Antiques and Collectibles in Sultan Wa. She was featured on the news last summer selling antique phone booths. Here is the link to watch that interview: {click here} So proud of her hard work and ingenuity! 

* A little technical glitch on my part yesterday {fixed this morning} My gratitude pictures did not show till this morning... {thanks to Dan, ... my technical advisor} they are there! I am looking forward to more family responses! Thanks again, little Michelle, for this idea of family community engagement!

LYM,

Reenie

The Yin and the Yang

https://www.ancient.eu/Yin_and_Yang/

What is Yin / Yang

A starting definition: Yin / Yang: Two halves that together complete wholeness. Yin and yang are also the starting point for change. When something is whole, by definition, it’s unchanging and complete. So when you split something into two halves – yin/yang, it upsets the equilibrium of wholeness. Both halves are chasing after each other as they seek a new balance with each other.

The word Yin comes out to mean “shady side” and Yang “sunny side”.

This family blog was started on March 24. It began as an effort to stay in touch with family near and far during this time of quarantining. One of the highlights was the post of all your memories for Mom; it was so much fun sharing all the touching memories!  Michelle Murphy Zive had a great suggestion to continue family engagement:

There is a bunch of literature and research around the power of sharing images and stories to create connection and community.  You could ask for images from the family/community around so many topics like provide an photo or image about your favorite childhood memory, what you are most grateful for, what’s outside your window right now, your favorite place, etc.

Share Your Yin and Yang

1) What do you currently miss the most during this time of isolation?
I miss the beach!

Michelle's 80th Birthday Weekend - dmm

2) Name something for which you are grateful?
I am grateful for the beauty and hope of new life of Spring here in Lake Forest

You are invited to send in your thoughts.... through photos, writing in the comment section of the blog, or you can email me:  maureenrenden@gmail.com
I will be sharing all the responses that I receive.

Birthday Shout-Out: April 27 🎂
James Kindgren (Nancy and Fred's son). He lives in France with his wife, Nicole, and 2 kids: Lilou and Luka

Please email me any family birthdays that are coming up in May...Thank you!

LYM,
Reenie

Bio-Spiritual Focusing and Surrender

http://stillpointcsd.org/events/event/biospiritual-focusing-an-intoriductin-and-practicum-for-spiritual-directors/

Frank Firmat always starts his St. Ignatius workshops with a an exercise of contemplative meditation. A time to close our eyes, focusing on our breathing, and "dropping into the heart". This is a time to calm ourselves by "getting out of our heads and connecting to our feelings." He says that God speaks to us much more clearly in our heart and gut. "In Him we live and move and have our being"... our health and bodies are gifts from God. He then leads us into a "body scan focusing" from the bottoms of our feet to the tops of our heads... thanking God for the blessings along the way. For example... your hands... think about all the ways you used your hands today... to hug, caress, write, play an instrument, prepare a meal...etc. and  he asks us to be grateful for the gifts they bring to us. He also asks us to notice where we carry tension in our bodies...for most of us... in our guts, backs, shoulders and necks! He'll have us place our hands at that spot... and acknowledge the tension... and what it might be trying to tell us....

PRAYER OF SURRENDER

One of the best "take-aways" I have received from Frank's workshops is surrender!  A lifetime journey for any ACA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic) and Co-Dependent! Life is not about the absence of problems, but about carrying the tension of unresolved things... noticing it, and surrendering it to God, or your Higher Power, so that it does not taint your life with anger, bitterness and/or fear. It seems so paradoxical... but by surrendering the unresolved.... it becomes resolved for you. Not to say, that we don't grab it back... but in making a habit of daily prayer and choice of surrender we can find our bliss and our joy!

This is a lovely prayer Frank taught us:  

I surrender my son to you, Lord. Take him, bless him, and keep him safe, surrounded by your angels. Surround him with people of kingdom values, so that he may hear from them, what he cannot hear from me. And when you are ready, Lord, send him back to me in a manner that I can carry him. 

"Be Still and Know that I am God": Psalm 46:10

I think I am going to take the weekend off!
Michelle Murphy Zive has given us so many ideas to continue in this blog.
It is so much fun to share our family journey, and I thank Dan for all the help and patience in improving my technology skills throughout this process!

I love you all very much,
Reenie

Vulnerability

https://www.shutterstock.com/search/vulnerability

Frank Firmat shared one of his own writings at our St. Ignatius workshop, last December:

We can’t be filled with peace
while full of ourselves!
We first need to be squeezed, as a dishrag,
with the excess removed until we
are light and right and usable,
set free to find the humblest place,
vulnerable and small,
the place of grace and life,
openness and presence;
emptied so we can be filled.

Frank added that our society teaches us: "don't feel your feelings"; but he feels quite the opposite! We need to "get out of our heads" and connect to our feelings to become more self aware and loving!
Another Frank-ism: "nothing changes if nothing changes."

http://www.toy-tma.com/electronic-toys/building-toys/building-lego/

In 2013, Judge Andrew Guilford wrote a tribute about Frank, and noted that in Frank's office:

there is a wooden Tinkertoy piece, a wheel with holes around the circumference for spokes that can then connect to other parts. Frank explains that the holes in the wheel are like the wounds we all have. But our wounds, like the holes in the wheel, allow us to connect with others. 

Frank recommended that we watch a great YouTube TED talk (Click here) on the topic of vulnerability given by Brene  Brown. She is a research professor and storyteller, and has spent the last 2 decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. In her own words from her website RESEARCHER. STORYTELLER. TEXAN.

The bottom line: I believe that you have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage, therefore . . . embrace the suck. I try to be grateful every day and my motto right now is “Courage over comfort.” I do NOT believe that cussing and praying are mutually exclusive. And, I absolutely believe that the passing lane is for passing only. 

It is amazing how this blog is intersecting... both Michelle Zive and Luke have sent praising comments about Brene Brown, in the last few days.

To end today's post...Dan and I received the best comments from Michelle Murphy and Steve Hauser. So glad that yesterday's story touched their hearts, as much as mine.
Steve wrote us in an email:

What a lovely story of Laura’s determination and recovery and Franks dealing with his “situation” as an 11 year old learning by loving and doing.  I suspect we all have these stories, some greater than others, as we have made our way through life.
CONGRATULATIONS to both Frank and Laura. I love the fact that Laura discovered who she really was, perhaps by overcoming her injuries. Living with a little pain after you have discovered your true meaning seems, to me, like a reasonable price to pay.
Years ago I had a thought … I have no idea how it popped into my head, but I have used it all these years.  A very simple statement:  “You always do what you want to do.” It has worked very well for me for a long time.
When I first mentioned these words at a party years ago people told me … no way … then … as we talked it out most agreed.  Laura’s discovery as to what she was now able to achieve is as powerful and Frank’s discovery on top of that slide as to who he was. 

LYM,
Reenie

Choose

https://www.adrservices.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Firmat-OC-Lawyer-Mar-2019.pdf

The Most Important Word I Ever Read 

I have heard Frank Firmat tell the story of his wife, Laura's terrible car accident, and the day she placed a post-it note on her bathroom mirror with the word CHOOSE written on it. In March 1019, Frank wrote an article about his wife's amazing recovery, and the power of that one word!

"Eight years ago my wife was hit by a car. She had a fractured right knee, a
fractured left ankle, and the tibia and fibula in both legs were crushed into two dozen fragments. Forty-six days later, after surgeries, titanium rods, plates, screws, and skin grafts, she came home from the hospital to a wheelchair and painful rehabilitation. Today, she walks with a limp and with differing levels of daily pain. I retired from the
bench and to private judging because she needed assistance at home.

          Seven months after the accident, Laura took her first steps. 

          That same week she placed a yellow Post-it note on the bathroom mirror 

          with the word “Choose.” After it stayed for days, I asked her about the Post-it note. 

          Her unforgettable reply was: 

          "During the last seven months I’ve had time to think, and

          I’ve realized that I have squandered my life. I have reacted daily to what life 

          threw my way instead of living the life I wanted to live. 

          And I don’t want to live that way anymore. That Post-it note is a reminder that I daily 

          want to do what is life-giving to other people; it’s a reminder that even though I 

          have autumn on the outside of my body, I choose to carry an attitude of spring on 

          the inside. Finally, it’s a reminder to live a life that is not reactive and burdened 

          by the cynicism, conflict, and strife life may send my way. Instead, I want whatever 

          good there is in me to affect my world."

          I am certain my jaw dropped at the wisdom of her statement. During a period of 

          seven months,  my wife discovered the ancient wisdom of living with intentionality.  

          Let  “Choose” be your daily reminder to reach for what is important to you. Let “Choose”

          mean whatever you discern is the optimum way to live a life with meaning."

What a story of resiliency!

LYM,

Reenie

Meet Frank Firmat

https://www.ocregister.com/2013/01/20/mickadeit-judge-prayed-for-humility/

Yesterday, I mentioned Frank Firmat, the "praying judge". Dan did a little research and found this article called "Journey of the Human Soul" and added a little more about him in the comment section. In this article was another "Frank-ism".

 “We picture our life as a garden and talk about what belongs in it. If I’ve put my profession in my garden but my wife and family are out in the field, it is a life-changing issue.”

Tell Your Story With Your Whole Heart!

Here is Frank's story in his own words:

My name is Francisco Firmat. I was born in Cuba and in 1961, at the age of 11, became a refugee fleeing Communism and was sent to the United States by my parents to live at St. Vincent’s Home for Boys Catholic Orphanage in Denver Colorado until (and if) my parents could immigrate to the United States. We were reunited 5 1/2 months after I left Cuba. I learned English in this country, went to college and law school, and recently retired after serving for 27 years as a Superior Court Judge in Orange County, California. I’ve taught focusing contemplation workshops for the last 25 years.

I have attended Frank's St. Ignatius Workshops, and am signed up to attend his bio-spiritual focusing and contemplation workshop... it has been postponed now during this quarantine. Both Marty and Michelle Murphy Zive have shared some of their wisdom of healing, and it really connects to Frank's work in the same area... His story continues...

Focusing is simple but not easy; it is a simple process of noticing what we carry inside but it is very hard to face difficult inner issues alone.

In telling his story, Frank admits as an adult, he had a fear of flying:

Our issues are in our tissues and my body had carried that trauma of the separation experience {as a child} inside so that it would surface again and again with impending plane flights! (Though I knew that planes were safer than freeways, I’d have a feeling of dread, and I would hug my wife and children before flights as if I would never see them again.)

FOCUSING SESSION WITH A FOCUSING COMPANION 

 A MEMORY of being 11 years old and FEELING deep despair and sorrow. I was sitting at the top of a tall playground slide that had a semicircular cover at the top. (I had been at the orphanage about three days and had not allowed myself a single tear. Cuban culture had taught me that men don’t cry, not even at the age of 11. I was hurting deeply inside from the separation and alienation and I did not speak English. I went outdoors looking for a place I could be alone and went to the top of a playground slide.) It was as though I was in a focusing time machine and was now an observer who could both observe the 11 year old and at the same time feel what the 11 year old boy was feeling inside in 1961! — I stayed with that memory and feeling until it changed to

 A further MEMORY of the 11 year old on top of the slide and praying with many tears. ‘Lord, please allow my parents, my grand-mother, my sisters and I to be reunited. . . .’ — I stayed with that memory until it changed to

 The 11 year old was suddenly enveloped in a translucent cocoon of golden light that he could not see and there were words he could not hear. I saw the IMAGE of the boy surrounded by the golden cocoon of light; I heard WORDS saying ‘I heard your prayers and have been with you ever since’. (At that moment and at that realization that my childhood prayers had been heard, many tears flowed as I experienced feelings of awe and wonder.) — I stayed with that image and feelings until it changed to A FEELING OF peace inside unlike anything I had ever known; all stress and sense of incompletion vanished, replaced with a peace that surpasses understanding or description; a sense that everything is well, in harmony, and that God is in control; he cares, he listens, and there is no need to fret or fear. 

I just love this man! He is such a spiritual mentor to everyone in his presence! I'll share a little bit more about this amazing man tomorrow!

Hope you are all well,
LYM
Reenie

Back to the Future

http://www.quoteddaily.com/thomas-merton-quote/

I thought this was a wonderful thought-provoking quote for today! We all are getting anxious to put this quarantine behind us, and return to normal. But what will our "new normal" look like?

In December {seems like a lifetime ago...when life was so hectic} I attended a St. Ignatius Workshop at my Church. The guest speaker was an amazing retired judge named Frank Firmat. He was known as the "praying judge" (he always prayed before starting his day as a family court judge), and was recognized as the California State Judge of the Year at one point before he retired. He is such a spiritual mentor! Frank shared this Thomas Merton quote {below} and mentioned that we should  protect the "quality of our presence". His view was that our modern pace of life... excessive busyness... corrupts the good work that we do. He talked about placing "speed bumps" (Spirit) in our day, to pause and take notice, and live the joy of "being" in the present moment. A joy not shared dies young! We can't be filled with peace, while full of ourselves!

Uploaded to pinterest by Alanis Morissette

Are there any thoughts, ideas, lessons that you may have learned from this time of isolation and quarantine?  How do you want to live your life differently?

"Thomas Merton OCSO (January 31, 1915 – December 10, 1968) was an American Trappist monk, writer, theologian, mystic, poet, social activist, and scholar of comparative religion."

Birthday Shout-Out: April 20🎂
Dayna Taub (Chris and John's daughter-in-law); Jason's wife

LYM
Reenie

Divine Mercy and Breath

http://clipart-library.com/divine-mercy-cliparts.html

Today is Divine Mercy Sunday. St. Pope John Paul II designated this feast day to be celebrated on the second Sunday after Easter. It is also the gospel reading about "Doubting Thomas". I went to {Click here:} Mass online with Bishop Barron.  He is the Bishop in Santa Barbara and has a website called Word On Fire. Even if you want to scroll through just to hear his sermon on Divine Mercy, I would really recommend it. It is awesome! 

What I found most inspiring was his message of God's breath into us. Our last few posts have been contributions from Marty and Michelle about the power of breathing. Michelle and Dan added comments on yesterday's posts about the healing power of breath to calm the body and the mind. Connect that to calming your spirit as well. We have been given the gift of Divine Mercy through the breath of the Holy Spirit. Bishop Barron challenges us to be a bearer of Divine Mercy by breathing that same mercy into our world. 

I am so excited to share the comments from Michelle and Dan from yesterday's post! I hope this blog continues to generate family interactions in encouraging one another... "we are all just walking each other home!" Who better to join you, than family? 

Michelle wrote:

Both my dad and I (and this is NOT new by any means) want us all to understand how easy this is (e.g., meditation, breathing, mindfulness,praying, etc.). All it means is to concentrate on your breath. You do not have to go out into a field by yourself for 17 hours with no food or drink and meditate. NO! It means saying a mantra or prayer in your head, feeling the air moving in your nose and out your mouth. This can take 30 seconds, 5 minutes, or...I had conversations with my aunties about how I've taken up meditating and both said, "There is NO way." Um, I've been dealt the Murphy-Kerley monkey mind, moving and doing is more important than sitting still and breathing. If I can do it, anyone can do it.

A couple of other thoughts...I might have mentioned it but there is an app called Insight Timer. It's free and has tens of thousands of meditations, music, prayers, etc.
Another thing to consider is tai-chi. There are classes available online. This is a practice that marries movement with breathing.

Dan and I have been talking a lot this past year about alternative holistic approaches to aging...he told me about how much his physical therapist helped him heal through...breathing! Here is Dan's contribution:

I had physical therapy last year for a trick knee. Turns out it wasn't my knee but my hip flexors. Therapist Tim gave me exercises to do, and while watching my form one day he blurted out "Breathe, Dan, breathe!". Duh, what? Turns out I never knew how to breathe. For 65 years I had been breathing completely wrong, expanding my abdomen during the exertion step instead of contracting. I learned to breathe: in-through-the-nose while relaxing the abdomen, out-through-the-mouth while contracting the abdomen. This new knowledge has given me new hope -- the next Tom Brady! -- and new insight, like how singers (like Marty) can blow a looooooong note through abdomen control. It's also given me insight into something else Marty does and shares with Michelle.

You know how you can get so worked up about something, you can lose sight of what's going on around you, what's really important? It can happen to me...a lot! I get "lost in my head" .. overly-concerned about what people are thinking about me. I'm on the first tee, everyone is watching me bend over and tee up the ball, take my practice swing. Are they smirking about the hitch in my swing? Are my shorts too tight? I find my brain spinning circles when I'm supposed to be concentrating on the ball. But then -- Therapist Tim to the rescue! -- "Breathe, Dan!" In through the nose, out through the mouth. In nose, out mouth. Relax the abdomen, contract the abdomen. I'm calmed, back in the present, back in the now, out of my head. Aah. Seems silly, but it works for me. And then I duck-hook it OB -- but heck, who cares?

 I am definitely going to find that app: Insight Timer... thanks, Michelle!

Birthday Shout-Out: April 19 🎂
Chris Beckwith (Michelle's son)... and might I add...a proud and happy grandpa to one-year-old, Everly Moore

Peace be with your Spirit! {I just drove through my Church parking lot to receive a blessing of Divine Mercy, while sitting in my car, with my mask on! Strange times, indeed!} Happy Sunday!
LYM,
Reenie

Mindfulness

https://dailyburn.com/life/lifestyle/instagram-positive-affirmations/

Hi All,

I once heard it said that "when the student is ready, the teacher will come." There has been a lot of time for self reflection during this time we've had in isolation. We've been given the opportunity to re-prioritize, be transformed, and enter our "new normal" with mindfulness....coming out of this... a bit stronger and wiser! Michelle shared another great article called Meditation for Healing. In this short article, the writer, Kate Clark, explains the benefits of guided meditation on our health: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. She even has techniques for beginners... and it connects back to Marty's thoughts on BREATHING! I loved the simplicity of her information, and the fact that WE EACH HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE CHANGE!

Marty also shared some daily intention ideas:

Relationship/communication 

• I intend to experience relationships with everybody that are joyful, loving and supportive 
• I intend to easily and effectively communicate.
• I accept and forgive myself at all times no matter what.

Diet/body image 

•  I easily achieve and maintain my ideal body weight
•  I enjoy eating foods that keep my body slender, healthy and fit.

General health 

•   I naturally and easily resolve emotional pain.
•   I sleep well and awake refreshed.
•   I effortlessly live at optimum health and well-being.
•   I intend to support all my brothers and sisters in their growth and freedom.

--Breathe—
Marty Murphy
Author
The Mind Whisperer 

Do you remember the song from our parents' era... Accentuate the Positive? Click here to hear a fun version by Bing Crosby and Bette Midler!

I am tossing it out there...would love to hear any more family members'  ideas on mindfulness, gratitude, positive affirmations etc. You can write it in the comments section... or you can email me!

Birthday Shout-Out: April 18:🎂
Erika Arick (Melda & Tom's daughter-in-law; Michael's wife)

I positively love you all!
LYM,
Reenie

Days Gone By

https://www.arcar.org

Hi All,

In doing some "spring cleaning", Melda found this sweet letter that Joan wrote to Mom on her 80th birthday. In it, Joan describes the time when she first met Mom. We found a picture of the car that Joan writes about, and if you click on the song, that she mentions that Dad used to sing... you will go back in time to the 1930's! Enjoy!

August 10,1996 

Dearest Marie:
How in the world can I possibly reduce 64 years of loving you into a few paragraphs? That is virtually impossible for me -- as you know.  All the wonderful memories I have of you could easily fill more books than I have time to write! I will try:
My earliest remembrance of you was when Jim came home and announced to Mom that he had met a terrific girl with 'a chin any man would be proud to have'! I could hardly wait to meet this girl. 

He brought you home for Sunday dinner and what I saw was a gorgeous girl, who was looking around the table with dismay! She couldn't understand all the story-telling and roars of laughter these Murphys were exchanging. Then Dad kept insisting that you have 'just a little more Marie, 'cause you've hardly eaten anything'! Your eyes just got bigger and bigger and I'm sure you were grateful to have that first dinner over. 

In a few weeks of Sunday dinners, I was delighted to see you relax and enter into the merriment. Soon you were laughing as loudly as the rest of us!
The next thing that won my heart completely was your acceptance of me and my girlfriends going along to the beach with you and Jim. How many sixteen-year-olds would have agreed to that? Of course, with Jim singing, 'Coney Island Washboard She Would Play, Play, Play', and keeping time with his driving foot all the way to Del Rey, that little Willys Knight {picture above} was bouncing along with every hitch-hiking kid standing on the running boards! (Wonder how far we'd have gotten in this day and age?)

Such sweet memories they shared... and passed on the love to all of us!

Birthday Shout-Out: April 17 🎂
Kenny Buffington (Michelle's grandson; Cindy's son
{I remember being pregnant at the same time as Cindy... as Tim and Kenny are only 3 days apart!}

Have a great weekend!
LYM,
Reenie

Breathe

https://themindsjournal.com/breathe-this-ancient-sanskrit-symbo/

Birthday Shout Out: April 16 🎂
Monita Murphy

Marty has joined in this blog today with his wonderful wisdom! In 2008, Marty wrote a book called The Mind Whisperer. He shared an excerpt from his book about the importance and benefits (physically, emotionally and spiritually) of mindful breathing:

"Since ancient times, breath has been equated with the formless, with Spirit. The masters from Hinduism and Buddhism developed powerful systems of breath control. Those who practiced these systems mastered fear, healed illness and attained enlightenment. The Breath of Life is the Spiritual life force. The act of breathing has unique life-sustaining power. I am referring here to more than the physical process of moving air into and out of our lungs... 

Let’s see if we can discover the power that conscious breathing may awaken in us... 

I invite you to take a moment and do a little exercise. Just relax. Now notice one complete breath. By the way, that’s all you are able to notice, one breath. The last breath is now a memory; the next one, an expectation. So, both are now objects in your mind. When you focus your attention completely on one breath (in...and...out), you may find that you have been thinking of little else for that one cycle. Try it again. Now breathe some more...slowly. Focus on one cycle at a time. Notice the pace of your breathing. Become aware, if you can, that while you are noticing this breathing, the pace of your thinking has significantly decreased. When you notice this, your ego (Toby) will probably jump back into your consciousness and try to retake control of your thinking. It’s OK. That’s what Toby does. It’s Toby’s job. Just relax and focus once more on breathing. Notice, if you will that you are becoming free from Toby’s incredible momentum and constant rattle. One intentional, observed breath is enough to bring space into your consciousness where before there was only non-stop mind-chatter. That space,that true consciousness, is Pure Awareness, our essential nature."

I have taken a restorative yoga class for a few years now, and the instructor always stresses that "the most important part of our yoga practice is BREATHING!  I love our family, and all the mutual support, comments and contributions that are coming in! Thank you, Marty!

LYM,
Reenie

The Week's Back is Broken!

https://depositphotos.com/stock-photos/gratitude.html

It's Wednesday; Hump Day, or as Grandma Aggie used to refer to Wednesdays: "The Week's Back is Broken". It felt like that today, as the warm sunny weather has seemed to infuse a new life into this week. Neighbors are out walking, and commenting on the beautiful warm sunshine, and others are working in their yards and gardens. Spring has sprung! Hope seems to be in the air; spirits appear to be lifted!

Michelle Murphy Zive, Marty's daughter, sent me some great articles to share... can't thank her enough! I was immediately drawn to the article about gratitude! It is not very long to read. The author, Karson McGinley, lists 5 benefits of the importance of gratitude in our lives. The article appealed to me because she suggests keeping a gratitude journal. Even if you don't like to write a lot, she has some suggestions for starting a journal. {At a St. Ignatius Church workshop, I once heard the guest speaker say: "It is impossible to hold fear/anger and gratitude/love in your body at the same time." Today was a day to 'get on with it'!} I hope that some of Karson McGinley's ideas appeal to you as well!

I love her ending.

Look at your gratitude practice as a way that you contribute to the world. By making the effort to communicate your thankfulness to the people around you, you show and share your love. When people are appreciated, they do better. And you can elevate the world one Thank You at a time.

Springtime loves & LYM,
Reenie

The Present & The Future

Birthday Shout Out: April 14 🎂
Tim Renden

Sean and I are so proud of Tim! He has always had a gift of inspiring others through his acts of love, kindness, patience and understanding. He has coached swimming and waterpolo since he was 16 years old... all ages... from 5 years old to high school seniors! The kids love him and so do the parents... he leads by example! This year, Tim had been subbing throughout Irvine Unified School District, and in February, he accepted an Instructional Assistant Job for grades 4,5,6 at Beacon Park Elementary School in Irvine. God was guiding that decision, as he is spending these days working non-stop with online teaching...supporting the students and the teachers in these extremely challenging times! He has such a passion and heart for teaching, and it is evident! Tim has also been helping us to stay safe and isolated... he has been grocery shopping, running errands etc. We are so blessed and grateful... and can't wait to see all the good things that are in store for his future!

Not much else to say today. The gospel meditation (on Pray as you Go) brought up the idea of people and things that we might be missing during this time of isolation. And to take it to God... "if we can be present to the pain of our now, yet open to the creative ways of moving on from our present, we help create our future. In the Pope's words, we take care of the now for the sake of tomorrow."

As our country leaders are debating on when we can go back to "normal", one of my Bible study members shared this quote from Dave Hollis...I think it is worth pondering in this time of quietness:

greatesttweets.com

LYM, 

Reenie

Walking Forward with Memory

Thanks, Michelle Murphy Zive
https://quotefancy.com/quote/13524/Ram-Dass-We-re-all-just-walking-each-other-home

I don't know about you all, but yesterday's Easter was bittersweet in our household. The weather was dreary and all planned neighborhood celebrations (at a safe distance) were rained out. It was a "hunker down" day for all of us... the ups and downs of this strange time! I loved the celebration of Mom's life on Saturday's post, but it made me nostalgic for the simplicity of my childhood. However, there can be a danger in reminiscing... looking back through rose-colored lenses... not always in reality. I have a sign that says "Don't look back.. you're not going that way!"

The bright spot of my Easter was a late afternoon conversation that I had with my niece, Michelle. She and I shared similar journeys of surrender and healing, and the picture and quote (above) is one of her favorites! She has offered to share more of her knowledge and resources on this blog soon! I can't wait!

This morning's meditation (on a free app that I love... Pray as You Go) was about Pope Francis' message called: Walking Forward in Memory. It was such a great message, and sorted out some of  the mixed feelings that were swirling inside of me. The importance of remembering is apparently one of the Pope's favorite themes. I found this on vaticannews.va:

"Speaking during the homily on Thursday at morning Mass at the Casa Santa Marta, Pope Francis said that in order to be able to go forward in Christian life, we must think back to and cherish our first encounters with Jesus, and remember those who transmitted the faith to us. Pope Francis cited that in his second letter to Timothy, St. Paul exhorts him to “Remember your mother and grandmother as they have transmitted the faith to you”.

I loved this connection! In the meditation, the Pope's message continued that "memory and hope go hand in hand"...."We need to look back and be grateful to all the people that shared their faith with us. They are the heartbeats of our lives. When we walk forward in gratitude, we are strengthened in our faith.. it helps us move forward in hope and to pass on the love we've been given!"

This meditation today pulled me up out of sadness and into gratitude!

Day After Thoughts & LYM,
Reenie

Happy Easter

Easter 2020
https://www.catholic.org/lent/easter.php

Happy Easter!

As Sean would say "you're on your own... you're out there, baby!" I am giving Dan a well deserved break, as "my editor". LOL

I am going to start with a funny Renden Easter memory. When the boys were little, we had a motorhome. We went to Yosemite during Spring Break for a few years; the best times of our lives!
We often joined other families that we knew, for this annual trip. One particular year, our trip coincided with Easter, as well as the end of daylight savings time. We drove up to Yosemite on Saturday, and were the last of our group to arrive. Our friends, the Churtons, welcomed us, and then said that there was going to be a sunrise Easter service in our campground in the morning. Kim Churton promised to knock on our camper door in the morning to wake us up. When Kim did try to wake us up at "0'dark hundred" the next morning, Sean cracked the window and said... "He is risen, but we are not!" I did get up though, and had to brush snow off the bench in the campground gathering area. But as I sat there shivering with a few other campers... some man broke out in a praise song, and the sun was just hitting the tops of the cliffs, where waterfalls were cascading down. I thought...I couldn't have been in a more majestic and perfect cathedral of nature for Easter!

Brings me to this strange year, and a very different Easter when we are all going online to celebrate services/Mass with our favorite pastor, priest, or mentor. Personally, I am missing singing, and sharing the joy of families worshiping together, and all dressed up in their Easter clothes. It brings back memories of Mom sewing us all new clothes for Easter, and taking pictures in the front yard after Mass, in La Mesa. And those mandatory hats! Wow! LOL

That's all I've got...Phil Volker shared this today on his caminoheads blog www.caminoheads.com.
It's a good one!

"On this triumphant day, the most triumphant holiday of the whole year let us celebrate and appreciate our lives here and our place in the universe.

"Sometimes living day to day is a triumph but look at us here at Easter celebrating so. Carrying on to say this is bigger than our present situation with the Scourge of this Virus gnawing at all our doors. That’s creepy I know, but forget it for one moment and rejoice. We don’t exist on bread alone and we can’t exist with no hope in our hearts. Fan that flame that is in there. It is high time for that.

"We have today. It longs to have us. Be real to it. Take it as the gift that it is. Float on it’s surface if that is what you need or dive deep and explore. We are all in different places with different challenges but Easter is a day for everyone, have or have nots, believers or non’s to enjoy and ponder."

He ended with this: "Pondering Loves"

LYM
Reenie

Good Saturday

Thanks to Melda

"Our Easter Girl"

Today is the 8th anniversary of Mom's passing: April 11, 2012. Rest in Peace, Mom; we miss you every day!

When Mom was "transitioning", it was during Holy Week of that year. As we were in that "time of waiting in the Lord"... the days spent by her bedside at the Cloisters, were filled with many spiritual moments. We began to call Mom our "Easter Girl"; soon joining Our Risen Lord in Heaven, along with all the relatives who were waiting for her! Mom did not actually die on Easter of that year, but 3 days later. 

When we talked about dedicating this day's post to Mom, Melda said that she had this darling photo of Mom with an Easter basket on her head.... Perfect!

Our stories begin with Melda's of that picture.

Melda Arick

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It was 1988 and Momu was at our house on Easter. Tom became a Catholic at the Easter Vigil Mass the night before. Easter Sunday we always have an Easter Egg Hunt. Momu was being silly for her grandkids!!

Michelle Murphy (Eldest Daughter)

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One of the best stores I have to pass along... Mom and I traveled a lot together with my job and one of the most exciting trips was in Mexico. We ran into a caretaker, tall good looking hunk about 50. When we joined him for a drink later an older gentleman about mom‘s age asked to join us. Turns out the hunk was after mom… I got stuck with the old gentleman and we headed out for the evening. I had to wait up for mom to get back to the hotel!!!!! :-)

My ‘mom’ was my parent for 20 years, then my rock and then my pal!!!💗💗💗

Cynthia Marie (First Grandchild)

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Well I forever spelled her name as Mamu. Ma and Mu 😘 Too Many memories to print but she was a woman always with her toes in the sand and her fingers in her crafts. Loving and the most amazing smile and always in a bathing suit. She was our star 💗🌹💗🌹💗🌹

Cheryl Perez / CherBear

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Well I just cannot FORGET my first REAL connection with Momu! I had written a lot of “strawberry scented” stationary letters to her and cannot forget my COOL wax stamps. I have many memories of Momu involving cards and crosswords but this one sticks!! I’m a teen (maybe) and hanging out at 5153 Mission Blvd (THAT I LOVED) and  I there for the summer and Momu hands me a Nectarine... What is this I think? What is she gonna make me eat (I’m only here for a little while right?) and she tells me to slice it up and it is HEAVEN! I’m like OK - thinking to myself  “What’s HEAVEN”?!? We looked at each other each taking a bite and  to this day I have LOVED every slice, bite and  morsel of that PERFECT fruit and my first REAL connection with Momu - I love you more!
Love,
Cher

Shawn Kisker Patterson (Auntie Marie's youngest niece)

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I have many great times spent with your Mom when I was a kid. Hunting seashells on Mission Beach. Really special times. 

But, my favorite memory was your Mom sneaking me off to get my ears pierced, while on an extended visit with her. 

This said activity had been strictly forbidden!! Anyone with good sence just knew better. Including Susan, who knew she would surely die, or go to hell, for this assault against my Mom's delicate sensibilities. 

I "think" I remember warning your Mom that this was grounds for war. Lol. (I could be fuzzy on these details.  😘) 

So, the dredded day arrived, when my parents were to pick me up. 

My mom barley glanced at me and hit the ceiling!! 

Your mom, of course was complete grace under pressure. Looking at my Mom like she was a bit nutts, and kinda old fashioned. As well as completely unhinged. 

Auntie Marie gave the eye roll to me. All was good between our respective Mothers. 

Needless to say, I caught 3 hrs of hell all the way back to Anaheim. 

As my cousins will attest to, anytime I put on so much as eyeliner, "the call" went out to Reenie and Nance for a makeup intervention. No joke. 

So, that's my most fun memory of your Mom. We really had alot of fun when I had to be "elsewhere". She was a very special part of my growing up. 

Never remembering Grandma Aggie, Auntie Reenie, Auntie Imelda and your Mom were the best substitute Grandmas a girl could have!!! Thanks for sharing her with me. 

She was very cherished by this niece.💗

Chris

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Mom was a pioneer in the early 1950’s when the outbreak of polio was the pandemic of the time. Our current self-isolation has put me in mind of how Mom had to handle the restrictions with active children who were used to playing outside. I remember that we were not allowed to go swimming in the pool at the club our family belonged to (can’t remember the name - any help family?). We couldn’t go places where there were lots of children, even to the movies. Every afternoon, in the heat of the day, we had to “rest”. We could play games or read, but couldn’t go outside until late afternoon.

Since today is Good Friday, I always think of how Mom said we had to keep quiet between the hours of 12 and 3. It’s not like we had to pray, we could even play Monopoly! I’m sure these were times Mom embraced to enjoy some quiet time for herself.

So as we are dealing with our current pandemic, let’s remember how Mom kept us safe, as we attempt to keep our loved ones equally safe.

Also, John has always said he had the BEST Mother-in-law ever. Mom always gave Grandma Aggie credit for being such a great role model!!

Tim Renden 4/10 11:40am (406)

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SO MANY ... I will try and communicate my favorite ones of my grandmother, Marie Murphy ...

Early in my childhood, the excitement and thrill of knowing Momu would be picking me up from elementary school on certain days. Each time she would pick me up, she’d express her presence to the elementary school staff “... don’t you know who I am?! I am Timothy’s grandmother.” Her aura, and her body language proudly said it all. Basking in her presence those bright afternoons after school, driving me home in her dream car with the top down. We would stop for ice cream, and then drive to our local park ‘treehouse.’ She’d let me explore for hours never taking her eyes off of me.  As soon as we got home, she‘d sit me down to finish my schoolwork, immediately, as if she knew the importance of education in my life to come...

How could I forget our August beach days in La Jolla, her birthday celebrations routinely wrapping up an official ending to our amazing Summer seasons. Momu would plant herself in her beach chair, where we always knew to find her and check-in with her. She was always so curious to know how our beach day was unraveling, I would help refresh her giant plastic soda cup.

Had a dream about Momu the night of her passing. We were at Godmother and Godfather’s (Aunt Chris & Uncle John’s) house, could have been a Murphy Christmas.... This dream felt SO REAL... cousins running around the house, small groups and huddles of kindred family members, relatives, mingling all throughout each and every space of Chris and John’s home. Then, so I remember so distinctly in my dream, Momu was sitting by herself, quietly observing her beautiful family, a fixed smile on her face, looking so proud of her job as the matriarch of the family. She was alone, sitting comfy in Chris and John’s living room. Her eyes fixed on me. I felt compelled it was my turn to check in with her. So I sat down next to her and held her hand. I asked her if she was ‘okay,’ she replied with a bright, glowing smile on her face, “I’m okay.” That’s when I woke up with the chills and knew she was in Heaven with her Father, and loved ones. Her chimes continue to ring on, every so often, checking in with the Renden family. 

Sean

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I have a favorite story, but everybody has heard it – Reenie tells it all the time. What I have fond memories of are:
I met her first when Reenie invited me to dinner at the La Mesa house & Jim had recently passed away. I never met him. She was wearing a nice dress, and looked quite matronly; polite & cordial, and we warmed up – she completely transformed into the PB beach person we all loved – she was in her element: sea shell collection, tan, Warwicks, the steak dinners & salads (Ahhh), Doc & Dom, the salty Afro, watching Mash on TV. The “Back-Off-Burt” story, seemed to be embellished, not by her, but everyone else.
She never uttered a word regarding our parenting, and never heard her gossip – think about that, she was the dream Mother-in-Law. She enjoyed good jokes and commentary. Coffee was always on. The silver stork ashtray, the Padre games, the round wooden table & chairs & deck of cards.
She was hard of hearing, which gave me the time to rephrase what I had just said –maybe she heard it right the first time, allowing me some regained dignity & propriety the second time around.
I loved her laugh, and saying, “Well, that’s Something”, or just her funny nods.
All my friends would ask, “Well, how’s Marie?”.
It was a familiar question, but seems funny now.
Yes, we need her, miss her, and always will.
Sean

Mom and Marty

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My mom, whom I referred to as Marie for the first few years after I learned to speak, finally persuaded my sister, Michelle, and me to call her “Mother.” Marie was her name, and that was what everyone else called her. Her mate was Jim. Mom was stubborn about the name change. She just stopped responding to us until we called her by her new, preferred name. That stubborn, loving trait never left Marie.

My sister and I eventually called them by their preferred names.

Mom and the rest of the family spent most of the first 22 years of my life in several different houses in California, Washington, Oregon and back to California. After Dad passed, she moved from La Mesa to a house in Mission Village. She told me that she had always wanted to live near the beach. I was able to find her a place near the beach that she could afford to buy. She live there for several years.

Her next house was right next door to my wife, Monita, and me. She stayed there for eighteen years, eighteen wonderful years for me. We got to know each other, like one another and love in a special way, a love deepened by hers and my advancing ages and our common needs. I got to take her for adventures at local casinos, where she loved to feed the slots and I got to leave her alone and roam around for a couple of hours.
We always shared stories about the adventures of our lives. Looking back on those years, I am deeply grateful to God for putting me into Marie’s life and Mom into mine.

When Mom moved to a senior home about eight miles away, I still visited her several times a week. Each time I arrived, she would say, “What are you doing here?” I really think she asked that question ever since I arrived in her life. I think she always meant it. It brings great joy to me that she never rejected me and always loved me in her own special way.

Never did call her Marie again.

Monita

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My Memories of Marie

My most vivid memories are the early ones.  A few months after Marty and I got engaged, he left for Pre-flight Officers’ Training in Pensacola. Since his family lived less than half a mile away from where I lived with my parents, I would drive over to their house a couple of times a week to share the latest news I’d received in his letters.  I remember sitting with her at their dinner table; that seemed to be where she spent what little “down” time she had. We would chat and I remember watching her work on her daily crossword puzzles. She was responsible for one of my life-long hobbies.

I also remember visiting her downstairs while she was ironing on her mangle.  It was so fascinating to someone who had only been exposed to an iron and ironing board.  She was a mangle master.

I was amazed by her organization.  As I recall, she prepared pretty much the same meal for each day of the week.  Cooking was never her passion.  She managed a house, a spouse and five kids (Michelle was already out of the house) and still have time to read (that was one of her passions).

I remember her often expressing her love of babies.  By her own admission, when they reached the toddler stage, they seemed to lose their allure.  I think it was the cuddling she loved and once they stopped needing that, she didn’t need them.  I exaggerate, she was a wonderful, mother, grandmother and most importantly to me, the perfect mother-in law.

Luke Murphy

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As a child, I always was surprised at seeing how many pills Momu could swallow at one time! Also remember that I really liked a purple crystal/rock owl that she gave to me when I was really into collecting rocks. 

Love Luke 

Steve Hauser

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The most visual memories I have of your mother was the easiness I felt when I visited you at home so many years ago while I was stationed in San Diego. Your mother made me feel like family. I just felt very natural being there with the “younger” clan running around. I once brought a Navy friend, Phil, with me … and he too was made at home. One time Michelle and Phil met in Seattle for lunch one day to catch up and now exchange emails from time to time. Phil and I have remained the best of friends, since high school, all these many years. Your mother help make those visits enjoyable. 

I remember that Babs and I were invited to your Mother & Father’s 50th anniversary held in a very nice restaurant in Orange County. Babs and I may not have been married at the time … can’t recall. I do remember standing and giving a toast to your parents hoping that Babs and I would have as happy and successful marriage as they had. 

I believe that last time I saw your mother was at her, I think, 80th birthday party on the beach somewhere in San Diego. A well-attended event by those who loved her. I was very pleased that I was yet again included. I have always felt a part of the Murphy family. I have always appreciated that inclusion.

Marcia Murphy

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I would like to contribute the following thought: 

I always thought we had the coolest, hippest grandmother, because she lived at the beach, was always tan and she was pretty chill. I loved that she went to the beach to lay out and pick up shells to do art projects. She had quite an extensive collection, even after she stopped doing projects. We grew up in Alpine, very far from the ocean. When all my girlfriends and I wanted to go to the beach, before we drove the 45 minutes, I would call Granny for the weather forecast, this was obviously before the internet. She was like our own personal weather woman. 

When I started working and living on my own in the early 80s, I had problems balancing my checkbook. I was talking to Granny about this. One day she showed up at my work (Video Library) and gave me a check for $50, which was a lot to me in the early 80s and told me to never go down past that amount. I never bounced a check after that. 

The last memory I would share is, I always wanted a second piercing in my ear and wanted a diamond stud. Granny heard about my wish and she had an earring made out of one of Grandpa’s cufflinks. I always cherished that earring and the two people it symbolized; Granny and Grandpa. 

We did have a really awesome and cool grandmother. I think of her all the time. Like Granny, I love the beach and living near it and fortunately for me I am able to do it as well. Maybe I will be a cool grandmother one day. 

I love you Granny!

Jan

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I always marvel at how much Marie loved the fact that we had twins and that she had always wanted twins – I marveled because I couldn’t imagine wanting twins and I marveled because of her complete delight in two babies at once!  So when the twins were first born, my mother and Marie alternated visiting every other week, for a bit of time. My mother was like the energizer bunny, cleaning, cooking, baking, gardening – trying to do all that kind of work so I didn’t have to. Marie, on the other hand, taught me the joy of simply sitting at the kitchen table over tea and talking away the afternoon, waiting for the babies to wake up – they were big sleepers!  She was completely happy with taking care of those babies, or, second-best, just chatting with me. It reminds me of that sign in her kitchen -  ‘A clean kitchen is s sign of a misspent life”!

Dan

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I get the warm and fuzzies when I think about Mom’s peanut butter, honey and butter sandwiches. Having raised her father and four brothers since she was twelve, she knew how to make a good sandwich! Spread to the edge! Mom kick me out of the house in the morning – go outside and play! – and was perfectly happy if she never saw me the rest of the day – as long as I was within earshot of her distinctive and melodic whistle at chow time. 

Maureen (Reenie)

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Back-Off Burt
Dad died in January, and I remember Marty making phone calls to let friends and relatives know of his passing. When he called Leonard Burt (an old family friend...and my godfather), Burt told Marty that his own wife had just passed away. Leonard Burt lived in Texas. In June of that year, he flew to California, and came to visit Mom. They went out to dinner at a lovely restaurant in La Jolla. As Mom told the story, … they were driving back to our home in La Mesa, when Burt popped the question, asking Mom to marry him! They had taken her car, and she said she almost got into a car accident! He admitted that the timing was not great; and though he had planned to ask her at dinner, he had just been too nervous!

Mom told him that although they had known each other for years, this was unexpected, she still had Dan and me at home to raise, and that it was too soon for her to even think about re-marrying.

He returned to Texas, and called Mom one morning, and said, “you didn’t say yes, and you didn’t say no… so have you had time to think about it?” I clearly remember hearing Mom say: “Burt, just back off!” That became a family tag-line! Burt remarried a woman in Texas and called Mom when he did.

“A Heady Sensation”
Mom said that Burt was lonely, and she was happy for him. But Mom was re-discovering her own identity. Mom once referred to this time of her life “as a heady sensation”. In that first year, she had to establish her own credit (she was only known as Mrs. J. J. Murphy). She went back to Jr. College, but gave that up, because she didn’t like doing the homework (LOL). Then she went to worked in the housewares dept. at the Broadway in Fashion Valley. We moved to the house on Marathon Drive for a while, and then landed at Pacific Beach, where she was soooo happy!

Is it time to fill the bathtub yet?
We moved to Pacific Beach in the summer of 1974. Dan was now in college at University of Santa Clara, but home for the summer. Marty and Dan were involved in renovating/remodeling the house. Mom and I were also doing what we could… and we were replacing the wallpaper in the back bedroom. After scraping off the old wallpaper, we had to “prep the wall” before putting up the new wallpaper. The new wallpaper was already cut into strips that would be dipped in the bathtub to get it wet. We had already placed painter’s cloths on the floor, all ready for the “drippy run” back and forth from the bathroom to the bedroom. I was getting bored and restless with the prep work, and kept asking Mom “is it time to fill the bathtub yet?” She was getting very annoyed with me… and that became a family joke…for the rest of time… whenever I pestered Mom about anything, she would say “Reenie… it is not time to fill the bathtub yet!”

Nancy Kindgren 5:44 (231)

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    I have such fond memories of our visits to your house in La Mesa. Looking back, now as an adult, I certainly can empathize with Marie when the Bryants would invade the Murphy household and stay for a week (maybe longer) every summer!  Poor Marie!

    To her credit, with all of the mass confusion, Marie ran a pretty tight "ship".  She was always so gracious and loving, however, none of us would ever dare argue with Marie.

     There was a time when Marie said that Reenie and I had to take a nap every afternoon
due to the threat of contracting polio. I thought that we were too old for naps and
remember complaining to my mom, which didn't get me too far. Thinking back, I'm sure that the main reason for "nap time" was to give Marie a little sanity in her day...and also to help guard against  polio! 

    How different it was to go down to Mission Beach with Reenie when I was in my 20's.  Marie was so much fun! We would spend the weekend at Marea's by the Sea. We would walk on the beach, go out to dinner, hang out at her bookstore, laugh and play card games.  I'm so grateful for that special time when I really got to know and enjoy
Marie.  She was a remarkable woman and a very special aunt!

Love,
Nanc

Brian Renden

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I have countless memories, but what stands out the most to me is how much love she was filled with for everyone she came into contact with. I do remember going to see her with my parents when we visited her when I was young and she worked in the retail store inside the mall and her smile and huge hugs when she saw us. I remember being babysat and she had the patience of a saint, and always had something planned for my high energy levels, be it taking me or my brother to movies , Toys R Us to spoil us (secretly at times), or walks through lemon and orange groves. She always sent out birthday cards every year with the "I love you more" ending line. She loved "Everybody loves Raymond" and always had that on during evenings. I'll also always remember the chalk board she had by her front door, where anyone who visited her or missed her could communicate on that and she would always respond. I'll always miss celebrating her birthday in La Jolla every summer, and how much she just loved and enjoyed sitting and watching all of us as a family. There are too many memories to recall a favorite specific event, but how she was able to pass her unconditional love to all of us on a daily basis. 

Love you all !

Michelle Zive

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My most profound memories of Granny is when she lived over in the 4996 Porter Hill Road house in La Mesa.  And since I’m a writer, and y’all are getting lots of memories, I will put my memories in bullet format.  Here goes, I remember:
• Playing  red light-green light and Simon Says with Reenie, Dan, Marcia, and Mark in the big backyard (or at least it seemed big when I was small);
• Granny making the best sourdough toast with real butter.  I can smell the bread toasting (perfectly) and taste the butter melting into the divets of the sourdough.  YUMMY!;
• Sleeping in one of the rooms down the hallway to the left in the twin bed, Marcia in the other one, with white Chenille bedspreads.  The bedspreads were so white, and the sheets were pristine.  So cozy and homey!;
• Granny treating my Plantar’s warts on my feet.  I don’t remember exactly how she treated them, but I do remember her being matter-of-fact about it, and gentle;
• Walking to the rec center behind Granny’s house, and jumping on the trampoline.

I love this photo.  Thank you to the photographer in our family, David Martin, for

capturing this moment.  I think it was the last Christmas she spent with us, when she lived next door to Mom and Dad.  It reminds me of when I went to the home right before she passed.  I sat on the edge of her bed, as she lay breathing deeply, eyes closed.  I leaned over, and said, “I’m here.” She opened her eyes and gave me a smile.

Thank you for the opportunity to remember and honor her.

Love,
M

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wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait

Last but not least...

Ann Webb (Annie; legally Anne with an 'e' but when I was born, the nurse ... )

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Hi Dan, I started the text and the minute I did my son called from Florida. They live in South Carolina but he drove down to Florida to pick up a new dog with his daughter, one of the twins, Marguerite. So I know I’m delayed in getting to this but I told him I’d call him back and I will do it right now sorry for that. [Ed: Annie, glad I'm not on your list anymore.]

As I recall, our trips to California were filled with fun and laughter, and long, long days in the car. After the trek from Des Moines, Iowa [Ed: Des what?], to Anaheim, California, we would first arrive at Aunt Joanne and Wayne’s home. We stayed with them about a week, and then we would pile in the car and head south toward the Murphy home in La Mesa.

Every time I think of all this I smile and thank God that we had parents who loved us so much to travel halfway across the country in order to have their siblings, who also loved us very much, open their homes and invite us in. But, in addition to Joan and Wayne, that is what Uncle Jim and Aunt Marie did!  And I think they commanded their children to do the same: Open the door and their hearts and welcome us in. Every summer would be a little different, but it was always an adventure. 

So back to my contribution [Ed: Waiting. Patiently.] It’s not so much a particular story as it is a feeling, and atmosphere that I felt every time we arrived at the Murphy home.[... Aww]

I thank Aunt Marie for all the wonderful memories, all the organization that was done behind the scenes, in order to pull off hosting her husband’s family of 4 or 5, for at least a week, and all that entails, with food for hungry kids day and night, and activities to keep them busy and out of the adults hair!

There were probably only four of us children, our “king”, and I mean that most lovingly, having not yet been born. So, for the most part when we would arrive at the Murphy’s in La Mesa on the golf course it was always an exciting adventure.

Soon what was once a quiet home became a very chaotic gym with so many kids. Michelle and Marty were older, so for the most part we did not see them as much as I wanted to hang out with them. But we had Chris, Imelda, Reenie, and Dan. The Bryant clan usually included mom of course, Lynne, Ann, Joan and Nancy. I don’t remember if Susan came with us, but I would imagine most time she did. So add one more to the mix.

What I recall the most is that we would gather in the family room and Reenie would be called on and she would play and sing with her brother Dan. They would entertain us for probably half an hour and at times we would join in singing all the while laughing until Aunt Marie told Reenie and Dan that that was enough!!!!! I got the feeling that Aunt Marie thought we were giving too much attention to Reenie and Dan. They were absolutely adorable.

So when it was dinner we all had chores and then we just hung out downstairs upstairs and all around the house literally. We all had chores and we had to do them and not complain and when it was time to go to bed lights were out and they’re simply was no nonsense going on.

The next morning it was breakfast and another day of fun and adventure with the Murphy clan.

But what I love the most about our whole experience was a sense of acceptance and love. Well Marie was very strict about what we had to do I knew then and how much She loved us. There was a sense of happiness with the kids and all the adults. And as I look back I believe it brought the best out in all of us. Of course, there was some bickering among the kids but not much, and I never wanted to leave. So, all in all, while we may have been a pain to some of you it was certainly an exciting and wonderful part of our summer.

I believe Marie set the tone for our “invasion “. It was one of welcoming and love. And you can’t fake that. Just think, Marie had six children of her own and she opened not only her home but her heart to her sister-in-law with four of her own children, and maybe five. That’s quite a lot to think about but Aunt Marie and our mom made it happen. And that’s what families do when they cherish each other and love one another; it was a gift I knew I wanted to pass on to my own children. And that’s what you can’t fake.

I’m not sure how much the Murphy clan liked us being there [Ed: Just more girls…and finally came Johnny.], but for my part, it was always a very important part of our trip to California. On life’s journey, our experience exemplified what is really important about life and families.

God bless you Aunt Marie and mom for being such wonderful examples of love and what it means to be family.

Love you all, Annie

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Yes indeed. Thank you all for your memories and your love!! You-know-who gets the last word.